How to *Actually* Believe In Yourself
Because, as an Artist, It’s Easier Said Than Done
This One’s For My Suffering Artists
I have an ugly confession to kick this one off today: I do not *inherently* believe in myself. Now, before anything else, I need to preface this article with the following: This is not a pity party. This is not a means to fish for compliments. I don’t want anything like that, nor am I seeking it in writing this.
But I do need you to know where I’m at, and why it matters, because I think it will help you, too. Especially if, like me, you suffer from imposter syndrome, are burdened by limiting beliefs, and have an aching desire to live a successful, sustainable, and fulfilling life as an artist but just. can’t. seem. to get there.
Maybe you get stuck in comparison. Maybe the battle is really just internal, and you can’t seem to bring yourself to create (or to share what you’ve created, in fear of what others might think or say). This might manifest differently for us, but the underlying issue is probably the same: a sickness of the subconscious.
The Conscious vs. The Subconscious
Here’s the thing: Most of our limiting beliefs find their roots in our subconscious — the parts of our minds that are intangible, that don’t have loud thoughts but that, ironically, drive everything we do.
Your conscious mind, on the other hand, comprises your tangible thoughts, but are (strangely enough) often in conflict with our subconscious.
This is probably true if you can look at yourself objectively and think, “Oh yeah, I’m a pretty dang good artist. Look what I can do! Yes. I’m awesome. Woo!” but that doesn’t mean your subconscious believes the same, depending on how you were raised, what stories you’ve been telling yourself (even the ones you don’t know about), and how you actually see yourself beyond the objective “I-think-I’m-pretty-cool” kind of narrative.
This is me. I really really like and love myself — for the most part. I think I’m smart and capable and creative and compassionate and helpful and a complete and total CATCH in my “conscious” thinking.
But, I face a disconnect when it comes to my subconscious beliefs. Due to societal expectations (“artist” isn’t a real career, let alone “writer,” both of which make up my whole life), childhood insecurities, early adulthood abuse, disordered eating and dysmorphia, etc., I’m actually pretty messed up underneath it all.
So despite the front-facing narrative (“I’m cool and I deserve good things”), deep down, the story’s different.
It’s more like: “Society’s right. What am I thinking, trying to be an artist? Who the f*ck do I think I am? I don’t have what it takes. I didn’t go to art school so why would I ever have the technical qualifications to be an artist?”
And the perpetuation of patriarchal ideals leads me to believe, subconsciously: “It’s cute to be a woman artist but let’s be honest: Nobody takes me seriously. If I were a man, I’d have made it. I’m too sensitive, too emotional, too much, too little. My purpose is to care and to nurture. Let’s leave the building and the creating and the innovating to the ones that can do it best: the guys. And let me stop wasting my time.” [NOTE: Reading these back is so cringeworthy and I don’t believe any of it. Women are the best, the crowning touch of all creation. But it’s a running narrative built by societal ideas, hurt, and deep insecurities to shape the belief systems of my subconscious — even in opposition to my thinking, analyzing, and logical conscious mind.
And if we want to get REAL real, my white privilege (and therefore fragility) play a pretty gnarly role here too: “Haven’t we gotten enough? It’s not my time anymore. Nobody cares about white stories; they’re played out. Hell, I don’t even care about them. And they’re me.” In a sense — without getting too deep — I wear the face I hate. It’s a whole lotta mess in here.
If This Sounds Like You (Or Even If It Doesn’t)
If none of this relates to you: Congratulations. You probably have a similar mindset to my partner and fellow artist Sean Williams, who endures this daily struggle of mine with grace, empathy, and more *tough* love than I ever thought I’d bear voluntarily.
But, if any of this does relate to you, then please know you’re not alone.
They say “art is war” for a reason. It is. Art brings up and exposes our greatest vulnerabilities, desires, and inherent beliefs about ourselves and drops it onto the table for everyone to pick apart. It’s a lot, and if you’re still here, I’m so, so proud of you. This shit is NOT easy. Is it worth it? I don’t have a f*cking clue, I’m gonna be honest with you. But I hear it’s good if you can stick it out.
The good news is that you’re not stuck, so long as you ride this out with me. Your limiting beliefs are no match for the power and authority of a well-intentioned mindset shift and some exercises and a lot of self-love and even more self-grace for the days you don’t have it.
Not Sure Where You Stand, Subconsciously? Here’s a Test
It’ll take time to reframe your mindset and heal your subconscious, but that’s okay. Let’s start here.
Visualize this scene for a second. Someone reaches out to you via email or DM and writes:
“Hey! My name is Alicia, and I’m the owner of X Gallery [or X Brand. Either way, you LOVE them and have been dreaming of working with them for years. This is big.]. We’ve been following your work for some time now, and love what you’re doing. We’re prepping an art show for a small group of local artists and think you’d make a great fit. What are the chances you could provide 4–6 never-before-seen pieces for us by the end of this month? I know it’s a tight timeline but we hope we can make this work!”
What’s your gut reaction? Are you stoked out of your mind, ready to fire back a resounding YES that you’re ready to get to work?
Or do you shrivel up a little bit? Are you terrified? Do you think, “Oh shit. I want this so badly. I’ve been asking for this and now that it’s here, I regret it. How am I supposed to make this happen so quickly? I don’t deserve this; they should have picked someone — ANYONE — else better suited to this kind of clientele and press. Maybe I should say ‘no’ and wait for the next one.”
(Maybe you’re somewhere in the middle of these two, and that’s probably where we’d find a lot of us.)
If you found yourself closer to the second response, it’s time for some self-belief. It’s time to put a battery in your back that lights you up and fires your engine and gets you KNOWING and TRUSTING and BELIEVING in yourself. Once and for all. Because any other way is exhausting and tiring and we just don’t need to keep suffering like this if we can help it.
And, ultimately, we have to believe in ourselves first, because if we don’t, nobody’s going to do it for us. It’s gotta start at home.
9 Tips to Believe In Yourself When It’s Easier Said Than Done
- Identify the root of your disbelief. (Use the top half of this article as an example. I’ve pinpointed my own subconscious stories that inhibit me from full-on self-belief. Do the same for yourself.) Was it something your dad said when you were 5? Is it a cultural or societal ideal you’ve taken on as your own that is, subconsciously, hurting you and your perspective of self? Identify the root in order to unearth it.
- Do the work, day in and day out. Show up for yourself, even when you’re tired or grumpy or hungover or would rather sit slumped in front of the TV all weekend. Carve out an hour a day specifically to create (block out time on your calendar if you need to). It’s a lot easier to believe in yourself when you’re actually doing the work and committing to improvement. (And, on the other hand, if you’re not doing the work, and you don’t believe in yourself…I’d bet money on that being a direct correlation).
- Practice meditation. Getting out of your head requires that you kind of…you know…get out of your head. I won’t over-spiritualize this one but it’s imperative, and I don’t care what you think about it. Find a routine, a practice, a process that works for you and your beliefs. Whatever you do, let it be restful, let it be rejuvenating, and commit to it.
- Live your alternate reality for a day, then two days, then see if you can really fake it all the way to make it. Take a moment and write down an ideal alternate reality. (For example: I am a phenomenal artist with a recognizable style. Opportunities come to me quickly and abundantly. I’m highly sought-after for brand partnerships and collaborations. I create with abandon, true to myself, and enjoy the process so fully that the “success” that comes is only a cherry on top). Then act like that’s true. How do you speak about yourself differently? How do you share your work? How do you show up for yourself in accordance with your alternate reality?
- Affirm yourself like it’s your job. I mean it. Affirm, affirm, affirm, affirm. The more we affirm ourselves in truth and light (I am beautiful, I am bright, I am brilliant), the more that seed takes root in our subconscious. Affirm yourself like a maniac, understanding that, to even BE an artist, is an absurdity.
- Ask yourself, “Am I ready? ACTUALLY?” Consider that you haven’t gotten the opportunity, received the PR, made the sale, etc. because there’s still a lesson to be learned here. Focus on building the infrastructure to carry the opportunity so that, when it arrives, you’re ready to handle it. (P.S. Maybe this right here — a mindset shift — is the work you need to do).
- Along those lines, let go of the timeline that YOU have created for yourself. Too often, we think meeting a milestone (or just improving at all) means that we unlock some kind of next level or great opportunity. You gotta let that go. If there’s nothing you can do about it, it’s not your responsibility. Your only obligation is to yourself and your work. Opportunity will follow, but you can’t force it.
- Choose to believe, even if you don’t feel it. Go ahead and intellectualize it (for now). I think of long-married couples that say “love is a choice, not a feeling.” There will be days you’re just not there, and that’s okay. Choose to believe even when you don’t feel all mushy about yourself.
- Get over yourself. I gotta give credit where credit is due: This isn’t coming from me. This is some good old Sean Williams’ tough love (in which I’m the recipient, but giving some away to you, too). Try and let go a little, will you? Relax. Take some time off the internet. Get some sleep. Take your PTO. Life is way too short to suffer between the ears when we can choose to see, think, respond, and create like we’re great. Don’t you know how cool it is just to MAKE something out of nothing?
